


You Can't Hold my Heart

by TomorrowTakesForever



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Angst, First Meetings, Flashbacks, M/M, Minhyun deserves better, Not Happy, Sad Ending, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23606044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TomorrowTakesForever/pseuds/TomorrowTakesForever
Summary: “You just might have been the love of my life.” Aaron said as he propped his head up with shame. “And I'm sorry that we were never able to discover whether it was true or not.”Or, Hwang Minhyun looks back into the first time he met Kwak Aaron.
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Aaron Kwak | Aron
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	You Can't Hold my Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure angst. The source? No idea, but from a prompt that sort of goes like this: Minhyun reminiscing about the time he first met Aaron.

He was staring at the sunset with a shadowy gaze, exhaling what looked like white steam from his parted lips because of the numbing cold. The light in his eyes only dissipated after distorted days, but even though he was supposed to be devoting himself to things that actually mattered right now, his wrist flicked on the surface of the white paper frantically. 

His fingertips were tinted with different shades of colors, but as he alternated in between holding his pastels and looking at the sky, he wondered just how much longer, just how many more days he'd sit alone and paint on his sketchbook. 

Minhyun realized that he was caught in a trance ever since he’d met Kwak Aaron hundreds of midnights ago. The way Aaron's fingers looked delicate and very well taken care of when he first put his hands on him; bold but quiet. Minhyun had been startled, but that was the beginning of his discovery. He was unsettled and lost. 

Sometimes, specifically when things didn't go the way he expected, Minhyun was a man of superstition. Nothing good ever happened after two in the morning.

_He took a seat on the empty seat next to him, eyes trained on the bar and hands shaky with a glass of alcohol. He didn't look at his watch but it was probably three past midnight. “I must be crazy.”_

He would eventually figure out that Kwak Aaron was beyond doubt, a shooting star. Both in his eyes and probably in everyone else’s; it had to be irrefutable. He was the most incandescent and fulgurant star he'd ever seen in the countless lifetimes he figured he had lived in. Minhyun was so adamant about it; even with Aaron's shiny, tainted lips and the whiskey pouring out of the corners of his mouth when he tried to swallow the rivulets of his golden drink. He openly stared in awe. 

Aaron was exceptionally wasted the first time Minhyun had laid his eyes on him. Completely _shitfaced_ was probably the right term, but Minhyun was not into words that lacked sophistication. For some reason, it felt unfair to judge him when he saw him the first time.

(Minhyun had still believed that Aaron was a star, then. He had believed that he carried the whole weight of the sun all alone on his frail shoulders.)

_Before midnight, Minhyun had bought vodka shots and lost sight of his new bar-friend Kim Jonghyun. Most likely, he'd found someone else to entertain himself for tonight, so Minhyun sat alone and picked at the small shot-glass, blinking in loneliness._

_Across the room, he saw him for the first time. The dim lighting of the club was enough for him to make out a frail silhouette and notice the breathtaking smile he had on his face when some popular song flared from the unseen music speakers._

_He looked away quickly, dry throat, but he found himself catching a purposeful glimpse of him later on when he was on the bar for the third time that night. They shared a well-hidden smile with each other but Minhyun didn’t dare to look at him deliberately again for the rest of the night._

Until he had. Until he hadn't been able to stop looking entirely. 

_“You look familiar.” The other man had said when he'd ran into him on his way to the bathroom. He didn't want to imagine things, but he somehow wondered if he'd followed him there intentionally._

_Minhyun's heart caught in his throat. “That's weird. I don't think I've seen you before.”_

_“And how can you be so sure?”_

_“I'd remember a face like yours.”_

_He laughed at his words and leaned onto the wall next to him as if he'd fall without assistance. Minhyun noticed his state of alcoholization and belatedly realized that he’d made him laugh and how great it felt. “You're quite the charmer.” He seemed to find it appropriate to put a hand, a nicely polished hand, on Minhyun’s bicep. “I'm Aaron.”_

Aaron _. It suited him, he thought, but then he figured that the alcohol might have been torturing his stupidity when he laughed to himself. He could be called anything in the world and he'd find it good enough._

_Time was running out and ticking loudly inside his head. The night was quickly out of his reach, but Minhyun sighed quietly in relief when Aaron placed his head on his shoulder. He'd breathed the same air as Aaron when he leaned close to his face, but the kiss was light and on his cheek rather than on his mouth._

_“I'll call you,” Aaron said after Minhyun scribbled messy numbers on a napkin; he placed it rather neatly inside his wallet and smiled drunkenly. “I'll call you, but_ wait _until then. Don't come here again until I call you.”_

Minhyun had been too drunk to question it at the time, but that hadn't been the biggest mistake, no. He'd been too drunk to ask, but he'd been too sober days later and too obedient. He didn't return to the bar, and the call didn't come either. 

And he felt like he'd wither. 

Minhyun stopped himself for a second and looked at the new colorful sketch once he was done. He hated that it looked like something he'd seen before yesterday and the day before. As if he had drawn it before. 

And maybe he had. 

Nevertheless, he looked over at his phone. 

Nothing. 

—

  
  


He walked inside the bar many weeks later. He pretended that he'd forgotten all about the weekends spent waiting for Aaron’s call; he wasn't going to dwell on a man whom he hadn't even properly shared a kiss with. The fact that he'd even considered waiting so long made Minhyun feel utterly ridiculous. 

_Minhyun laughed aimlessly at a joke Dongho had said to him. He offered to buy him another drink of his choice, but he politely declined with some excuse in between his lips. Dongho smiled at him, but before Minhyun could even return it, he saw Aaron on the other side of the bar._

_He was holding another man’s neck delicately as they conversed into each other’s ears over the loud music playing, and Minhyun blinked with the hopes that it was his brain playing some mind tricks with him. Aaron laughed gleefully at the other male’s joke and Minhyun was stunned at the image. It looked familiar, almost. The way he laughed and the way he leaned into his neck._

_There hadn't even been any attempts of courteously excusing himself to Dongho when he picked up his coat and walked towards the pair, as if he was being pushed by something else entirely to do it._

_Don't do it. Walk away, Minhyun. Move on._

_He stopped in his tracks when Aaron made eye contact with him. He hugged another man in between his arms, though._

_Minhyun stared at him; Aaron's hands (his pretty ones) halted to a stop as he carefully caressed the other man’s neck. His expression changed into an innocent one when he looked at the other man and whispered something to him. He somehow looked afraid._

_Once they separated themselves, Aaron flashed a soft smile to the other man and walked towards the bathroom. It felt oddly familiar, except Minhyun didn't want to go there this time. He could, he should walk out and never come back._

But his willpower wasn't strong enough. 

_“I told you to wait.” He finally seethed on his face when he felt cold hands take a harsh grip of his shoulder to turn him around. “I told you to wait! I was gonna call you!”_

_“Even if you chose to call me now, it wouldn't make a fucking difference,” Minhyun said, hoping he didn't sound as hurt as he felt. He firmly removed himself from Aaron’s personal space and stared him down. “You already seem to have company. Is that why you didn't call?” He shook his head as he slowly understood it all. “Holy shit, that was your_ partner _wasn't it, Aaron?”_

_Aaron silently stared at him, but not even those set of words were enough to sober him up completely. His expression grew slightly sensitive. “Things aren't always what they seem, Minhyun. I– I didn't call you because I wanted to break up with Mink—with him first. I asked you to wait until then.”_

_“And how unfair is that?” Minhyun startled. “And it’s not like I wanted to fucking ruin a relationship, for God’s sake.”_

_“My relationship has been ruined for years now. I've just never been brave enough to end it.”_

_Minhyun looked away, ready to walk off but he couldn't do it when Aaron was right in front of him like he'd wanted and craved for weeks._

_“What are you trying to say, then?”_

_“That I wanted to call you everyday but felt guilty as long as he was here. And that I'd like to meet you again when these aren't the circumstances.”_

_He made up his mind the moment he saw them huddled and together. A proof of reality._

_“I'm sorry, but no.”_

_“Minhyun…” Aaron looked devastatingly pained. His leg shook in nervousness when he couldn't structure the right words and he whined to himself. “I'm sorry, you're right. That would be stupidly unfair.”_

_Aaron walked off suddenly, leaving him alone with his afterthoughts, and Minhyun hadn't ever punched a wall so hard in his entire life when he arrived home, sad and used._

Blinking away the pent up frustration, Minhyun pressed the orange pastel harder onto the paper and he exhaled loudly when the paper tore under the pressure. His heart sped up and Minhyun looked at the sky again, itching to look at anything but the clouds and stars for once. 

  
  


—

  
  


Even though Aaron had never once kissed him on the lips, Minhyun occasionally had dreams that involved him doing it more frequently than not. He'd eventually convinced himself that they’d probably kissed in reality at least once, because he couldn't find an answer as to why it felt so real in his dreams. Why touching him and putting his hands on his chest felt so real yet unreal. 

Ever since he met Aaron, Minhyun liked to think that he had discovered that he was a masochist and that Aaron was a sadist. He smiled to himself self-deprecatingly and looked at the empty sky again. He'd resorted to talking to the moon when he felt like he'd explode from so many thoughts inside his head at once, but nothing assured him that the moon received his messages. 

He decided he'd go to the bar one last time _. For closure_ , he told himself, but he secretly hoped that he'd find Aaron once more before choosing to close the book and continue with his life. 

Aaron hadn't been there at all, of course, but before Minhyun returned home, he faintly recognized the male who used to be Aaron’s boyfriend. There was a possibility that he was still Aaron’s boyfriend, but he mustered courage when he walked to him and spoke clearly.

_“I need Aaron’s phone number.”_

_He looked at him with a great amount of shock. He proceeded to sneer at him and then grew serious. “Get fucking lost.”_

_Minhyun returned home with confusion consuming him._

_What sort of reaction was that?_

_He tried again and went to the bar the next day and the next. Everyday he promised it was his last until he finally saw the shadows of Aaron’s long lashes on his pink cheeks one night and Minhyun swore that Earth had stopped spinning._

_“Minhyun.” Aaron called him, and Minhyun forgot whatever excuse he'd practiced if he had to ever see him up close again. “Oh, Minhyun. Don't tell me you waited.”_

_He laughed bitterly and looked thinner when he walked closer to him. Aaron bit his lip and smiled with culpability. “God, you always looked so beautiful.”_

_Minhyun looked at him and nodded without knowing the reason behind it. After hours and days and weeks of feeling immoral about wanting someone who was taken, he finally took a deep breath and let the sinful thoughts abandon his mind and body effectively._

_Aaron smiled and tried pulling Minhyun closer to him, but instinctively, he shook his head with unshed tears. He smiled though, and the first tear fell. “I've been so damn patient. I don't know what messed up ideals I created of you in my head, Aaron, but I think it's all done now.” He wiped his cheeks and sighed shakily in alleviation._

_Aaron looked at him and it seemed that he was incredibly burnt by his words. He was silent for a minute too long, and Minhyun couldn't stand it. His eyes watered and he looked away immediately because he’d shed enough._

_“Minhyun, I think we could—we could have worked out eventually.”_

_And he turned around to look at him properly again. Just in case it turned out to be the last time. His eyes closed because it wounded too much to look at him; it hurt when he saw Aaron crying in front of him too, because all along Minhyun thought that he had never cared at all._

_“You just might have been the love of my life.” Aaron said as he propped his head up with shame. “And I'm sorry that we were never able to discover whether it was true or not.”_

_“I’m sorry too.” Minhyun bit his lip hard and lowered his gaze to meet his eyes. “Because maybe we were.”_

_Before he left the room with the oath to never come back again, Aaron pulled at his sleeve and looked at him with an afflicted heart._

_“Everytime you want to think about what could have happened, draw the sunset.” He spoke so quietly that Minhyun wondered if it was real or whether his delusion had him imagining things to feel less bruised. “Because it will mean that we’ve been through another day and made it without each other.”_

Minhyun stared at the window of his room. It was early, but it was winter, so the sky quickly faded into a mixture of yellow and orange and purple. He blinked and grinned to himself sourly, walking towards it and watching the hues intently for a few seconds. 

But without a second afterthought in his head and with no sketchbook nor pastels in his hands, he decisively closed the curtains. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ha ha ha there's sixty-nine (69) MinRon fics in the tag now ha ha ha. 
> 
> [My Twitter](https://twitter.com/dabbingminhyun)
> 
> Also, join the [MINRON: ROAD TO 100 ](https://twitter.com/dabbingminhyun/status/1248335148543889416?s=20) writing project! We've been stuck in sixty far too long, and our aim is 100 by the end of the year!
> 
> As for the story, Minhyun lives happily ever after I swear. Open for interpretation but you heard it here first: Minhyun is happy, independent and does not need Kwak Youngmin.


End file.
